Category: funny

Just In Case You Were Wondering… 70 Is the Age to Be

Hey guys,
Steve here.
Speech class has become a place where I take the prompts I’m given, and attempt to create entertaining pieces of work out of them. And while the answers to the question, “If you could be any age for the rest of your life, what would it be?” given to my class ranged from 3 to 35, I chose… 70.
When I brought this up, people told me they thought 65 was better. However, 67 is basically retirement age here in the United States. So by the time I turned 70, I’d have worked all the years I was expected to, and then, well, we’d get to the points I make in this speech. Anyways, have this rather twisted, overly optimistic outlook on old man life.

        As children, we wish to be adults, because we want to be able to do
all the things our parents can and don’t like being told what to do.
As young to mid age adults, people want to be children again because
they’ve quickly learned how stressful life can be. As older adults,
people want to be at retirement age, because who likes work? If I had
to choose, the age I would be for the rest of my life would be 70, —
because of the respect I’d get, the discounts, and not having to work!
        As a 70 year old, you get the senior discount at most places. Man,
wouldn’t it be nice to go out to eat, and get to pay the least amount
out of everyone because you’re more experienced at life? There’s no
reason for it besides how old you are. And because you’ve already
worked hard for years of your life, you don’t have to compensate it
further.
        Secondly, I wouldn’t have to work. Why, you ask? Well, because I
already did for 50 years. I spent 50 years saving up all this money so
I could blow it as an old guy. Man, that would be nice, you know, to
get to do what you want, when you want, and not stress about going,
to, work.
        And finally, respect. You see, unlike the 20 somethings fresh out of
highschool or college who don’t have a job, I wouldn’t be frowned upon
and told to get my lazy butt out the door; no, I’d still be respected
because I’m old. Man, I could sit there all day and eat nachos if I
wanted to, and still have all those youngsters trembling at the side
of my huge leather recliner with their “Yes sir” and “What can I do
for you, Mister?” Bro. I’m telling you, that’d be nice. I know, I’d
have to go through decades of constant work prior to it, — that’s how
the old folks earn their respect. But it would be worth it, if I
stayed that age forever, — never worrying about inferiors looking
down on me.
        So as you can clearly see, 70 is the age to be, at least for me. It
may not be all I crack it up to be, but hey. If things go south, I can
just yell at the youngsters to fix me a fresh plate of nachos. That’s
it for my speech today, I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for listening.

Yeah. I’m sure life’s not like that when you’re 70, but who cares. I was bored and in the mood to joke.
Thanks for reading,
type you later,
Steve.

Living In a Yard

Hey guys,
Steve here.
First of all, I want to tell you that though it says “you” a lot, this poem is not aimed at any individual or group of people. It’s just a work of humor, and no offense is intended.
I was extremely bored when I wrote this, although I’ve had the idea as a small outcast in my mind for some time. However, I couldn’t figure out how to get it into a poem, until about 15 minutes before I went to bed last night. It required some revisions, though. 😛
Nonetheless, have fun reading. I hope this makes you laugh!
How does it feel,
to live in a yard?
To stare at a house,
from which you are barred?
To feel like a mouse,
who’s dignity is scarred,
because alas,
you live in a yard?
Does it make you frown,
To be torn and scarred?
or to sleep on a ground,
that is cold and hard?
To look filthy brown,
Your body marred,
To come to a town,
and live in a yard?
There are many a home,
close and far.
to which you could go,
by foot or car.
So don’t you know,
that it is quite bizarre,
that the home you chose,
was my front yard?
There you go. As you could see, it was more humor than anything else. However, should some one randomly decide that your front yard makes a good home, then this is something you can say to them. However, since such a behavior would be highly unusual, and most people would rather stay in a house than the associated yard, I don’t believe you’ll ever have to use this.
Anyways,
Happy Monday! I’ll post an actual update in the coming days, just needed to get this little poem out.
Thanks for reading,
type you later,
Steve.

An Exciting Steve Day Celebration Post!

Hey guys,
Steve here.
Yes, I posted yesterday, and I know that I had decided upon a four to ten day blogging routine at the beginning of the year. However, it has become an unofficial tradition to post a little something on the night of my birthday. I don’t know why, but it’s happened every year. And don’t worry, you’re gonna love this one!

a little poem

I’ve been wanting to share this with you since I first came up with it on Saturday, but didn’t have enough time Yesterday morning to do so. So here it is. Notice the rhythm I use.
I remember the day,
when I dared to play,
an audio game,
that was very lame.
The audio game,
that was very lame,
that I dared to play,
had a stupid name.
The name of the game,
was Flamity Flame,
and Flamity Flame,
was such a horrible game.
Because in Flamity Flame,
The goal of the game,
was to attempt to kill,
a man known as James.
Now what made this game,
so very lame,
Is the fact that James,
had no sound at which to Aim.
And what kind of game,
that is audio by claim,
has a guy named James,
at whom you cannot Aim?
So to this day,
I don’t know who to blame,
but all I can say,
they made a terrible game!

a declaration of independence rendition for the blind

Note: this is a project my sister had to do for English class.
Also note: source of the end of it: the actual declaration. I put this so we don’t run into copyright issues. Again, the end of this declaration was copied from the origional.
There comes a time in every person’s life when one realizes that they
were not in fact made “perfect”; As we age we learn that we have to
figure this world out on our own. This is not to say that God is not
there to guide us, but we are limited by our fears and lack of
knowledge. And the situation is exacerbated when one has a disability.
One is forced to shape their life around their disability. They are
forced to live by different standards than the “normal” ones. And
while we learn to manage, there are still the harsh realities that
those with disabilities must face, that those without a disability do
not. To narrow it down, the blind are forced to learn to cope, and
navigate the world.
In reality, the blind are, at times, viewed as less than the
sighted. And because of this, certain rights are taken from us. The
right to be seen and not immediately judged, the right to be
considered “normal”, and the right to be treated with respect are only
a few of the rights taken away from us. On top of the rights denied to
us, we also face many struggles that could be easily resolved if only
the sighted tried.
Firstly, architects do not take the needs of the blind into
consideration. We are forced to navigate around poles and columns,
that not only confuse us, but are a serious hazard.
Secondly, Any sighted person with a knack for decorating, that seems
to believe that fake plants and glass vases and figurines make nice
decor, have no respect or consideration for the people who are not
able to see and therefor find these needless decorations as dangerous
and as an irritant.
And thirdly, manufacturers who do not braille their products, as most
manufacturers fail to do, have absolutely no respect for the blind,
and are only losing customers. If a blind person cannot read the
labels on a product, we will not buy it.
There is room for improvement in all of these matters. For centuries
we have fought for the rights and accommodations that we deserve, and
that the sighted have. And for centuries, these pleas have been
ignored, or viewed as unimportant. And, here, we are once again asking
the sighted community to simply take a step back and take us into
consideration. We have made compromises, and we have relented to
letting them get away with ignoring our natural rights as humans. Yet,
they have been deaf to our struggles and needs. We must, therefor,
continue to fight for what should already be ours. We will be heard.
We will not let this world turn against the blind community. We,
therefore, the Representatives of the blind community, Assembled,
appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our
intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of
the blind populace, solemnly publish and declare, us, as, human
beings, are, and of Right ought to be respected and taken into
consideration; that we are Absolved from all unjust acts committed by
the sighted; and that as a respected and valued people, we are granted
the same rights and luxuries as the sighted; And for the support of
this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine
Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes
and our sacred Honor.

Finally, a good old set of updates!

My birthday was definitely great, despite it being a school day. I had plenty to eat, and an overall good day. There were even a few funny incidents:
So I was eating M&MS in Spanish class, because I was like “it’s my birthday so I’m gonna eat these, because the teacher won’t get on to me for it.” Anyways, someone saw me eating them, and asked for one.
“What do you say?” I asked them.
“May I please, have some M&MS?”
“no… that’s not right. Happy…”
“Happy birthday!”
Of course I gave her some, and then I guess more people in the class saw and heard that because the whole class started singing to me! Lol! And the bad thing is,
Oh yes the bad bad thing,
I only gave them to like 4 people. 😀
In all seriousness, though, I did have a wonderful blessed day. I hope you all did as well! Also, I got a space upgrade for the website, meaning no more Drop Box imposed space limits–We won’t have to deal with them for a long time! Currently, I’m in the process of transfering all files from dropbox to wordpress. I will let you know when I finish that.

a few notes

  • just in case you wanted to know, the last person I talked to before I turned 16 (3:01 PM) was god. The first people I talked to as a 16 year old were those on my facebook friends list!
  • My birthday falls on National Make Up Your Own Holiday Day! No, that’s not why I came up with Steve Eve and Steve Day, that was purely coincidental, which is why I’m telling you this in the first place.

I hope you enjoyed this post. I hope you all have a wonderful blessed day, and weekend. Come on, it’s my birthday! Just grant this wish for me!
Oh yes, and also, just this once, I ask that if you like this post, please follow my blog and share this to your social media. Also please hit the like button on this post. And be sure to tell all your friends and family about Steve Eve and Steve Day so they will be ready for it next year!
Thanks for reading,
type you later,
Steve, the man who made the awesome Steve Day and Steve Eve holidays happen!

Life updates and a weather wrip-off

Hey guys,
Steve here.

It’s Monday, yet it has already been half the school week. Tomorrow we have school, and then we’re done!

Last weekend, the good weekend it was, ended in a great disappointment. You know that winter storm I was so excited about? Turns out, the prediction was off by 3 degrees; if it had been just a simple 3 degrees colder we would’ve been slammed by unprecedented winter precipitation. In total, one half inch or greater amounts of rain fell across North Texas. According to this artical on the RAL Weather Center website, we could’ve been dealing with between 1.5 and 5 inches of snow, thus leading to a rare and potentially significant storm, one that would certainly reach Winter Storm Warning criteria.
Unfortunately however, the forecast changed approximately 1 hour and 12 minutes after update two of my storm monitoring update was posted to the Weather forecasts page at 6:45 PM CST. Basically, meteorologists decided at last minute that the ground would be too warm to sustain any winter precipitation accumulations, and it turns out no precipitation of that type fell where I live anyway. Although there is the possibility for snow flurries tonight, as stated by my NOAA weather radio, school will most definitely not be canceled for tomorrow, a pretty sucky thing since my school district is like the only one in school this week.

——————————-
Changing subjects, I have been doing good, but rather cold this Monday and the recent weekend. On Saturday after posting that blog post, I went bowling as promised, and scored 117 points. And, as if the day couldn’t have been any more predictible, I spent the rest of the afternoon, you guessed it, chillin’.
Yesterday, after going to church in that windy blustery weather, I got to chill because I had no sister around, :). I did the following productive things yesterday:
-became a second year student at hogwarts (on the game I play that is supposed to simulate hogwarts, you have to become a level 15, defeat Voldemort, and you advance a year. After the normal seven years at Hogwarts, your title changes to wizard, and eventually god, and I don’t know what from there).
-Took a nap. I consider this a rather productive activity; it recharges your energy level, so you can be ready for the next chapter of your life.
-Figured out what I want to do for my history project and how I’m going to do it.
-Went to church
-Okay, not sure why I’m adding this to my list. This isn’t something productive I did, but I just needed a fifth thing :)).
As for today, I was very tired. A major factor in this was probably the fact that it was almost as dark as night time all day long, it was raining, and it was freezing cold. Inexcusable act(s) of pure stupidity I committed are as follows:
-wore a light sweater to school.
-went to Starbucks and got myself a large frozen coffee drink before having to go outside in this weather. That made my perception of the temperature, or wind chill, someware in the 5 to 10 degree range.
As for right now, I am just lieing hear, typing this blog post. I have nothing else to do for the rest of the evening, except putting up my laundry. *groans* But then again my mom did have to fold, wash, and dry it all for me, so I have the easy task really :))).
Thanks for reading this post, I hope you enjoyed it. The next time I blog will likely be sometime during the break. But just encase it’s not before Friday:
travel safe, eat lots of turkey, stay warm, enjoy thanksgiving, and have a great week!

Thanks for reading,
type you later,
Steve

why you should never eat a hard boiled egg in a bagle, my discusting food story

Well this morning, I got up and ate breakfast. Well, I have been trying new things with hard boiled eggs, and that is what I did today. I had crushed an egg into a tortilla to make a barrito, and you would neer believe how it taisted. I put the first bite in my mouth, and new it was a mistake. I ate most of it, but had to spit the last of it out. The thing was so nasty, I almost threw up. Even posting this post, I still can’t get it out of my head how nasty that was!